Do You Still Love Me?

Ruthie got into trouble at dinner tonight. Nothing major, just a bit of rebellious running around and not eating her food. When I told her firmly that she was facing discipline if she didn't correct her behavior, her little head dropped down to her chest and she started to get emotional. Thinking this was a ploy to get out of obeying, I reminded her that she needed to eat her dinner. She lifted one forkful of food to her mouth and I encouragingly said, "That's better, sweetie." She looked up at me with her big, blue eyes and answered, "But, do you still love me?"
Talk about piercing a mama's heart!
I immediately picked her up and showered her with kisses and hugs telling her over and over that I did indeed love her and that nothing she could ever, ever say or do or think or be would cause me to stop loving her. She threw her arms around me and said, "Good!" and went back to her chair to finish dinner. All was right as rain in Ruthie's world, but it made me start thinking about our Father's love for us....
Haven't we all wondered that same question, "Do You, God of the universe, Creator of all things, Master Planner, Infinite Wisdom, still love me, a nobody, nothing sinner, always getting it wrong, unable to make it right, unworthy of this life you have given me?" Isn't that the root question everyone is asking, whether they know the power of Christ's love or not--Do You still love me, God? After all I have done. After all I haven't done. After all You have given me when I deserve nothing...do You still love me?

If you don't know or don't remember or need to see it written down, the answer is a resounding YES! The very nature of God makes it impossible for Him not to love you and me and every other person He created. You see, God is love (1 John 4:16). Not the kind of love you and I demonstrate each day--that shaky "I-love-you-because-I-get-something-out-of the-deal" love--but real self-sacrificing love. We can't even come close to the kind of love God is.
"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
God gave up His own beloved Son so that we could spend eternity with Him. He gave up Himself to make us free to choose Him, free from sin and its' eternal death sentence, free to learn to love as He loves.
And the great thing is, He still loves you and me today. When we ask in our hearts the same question my little girl asks, "Do You still love me, Father God?" He scoops us up and lavishes us with His great love and mercy and truth and grace, reminding us that we only need look at the cross for the answer. Yes, He still loves me. Yes, He still loves you. Yes, yes, yes...the answer will always and forever be the same. No matter what you have done or what you will do, He still loves you. No matter where you go or don't go, He still loves you. No matter what you say or don't say, He still loves you. His love won't run out, turn away, fizzle, dry up, turn cold. It will remain. It will be the one constant in our lives--what a joy and comfort to know that!

Thank You, Father, for reminding me that You do indeed still love and always will love me. Use this post, Lord, to remind someone else that You love them, too. Minister to our hearts and bless us with Your peace. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Re-Adjusted

I hurt my back Saturday. I've done it before and pretty much in the same way. I was leaning over Olivia's crib to pick her up and as soon as I started to straighten up, yowzer! Super pain in my lower back. I managed to get Olivia safely to the floor before collapsing and then crawling downstairs to find Charlie for help. This time was different, though. I'm usually incapacitated for a few hours and then slowly able to mend. By Sunday evening, I was barely able to manage a hobble. Monday was a bit better, but still excruciating at times. By Tuesday evening, I was asking my study buddies where I could find a really great chiropractor. I called and made an appointment for this afternoon, feeling pretty pessimistic about the outcome. It isn't that I don't believe chiropractic care works; I was just in so much pain I couldn't imagine one visit doing much good.
I was wrong.
After about 45 minutes, Dr. Molin had me in such great shape I could turn my neck from side to side without wincing once and touch my toes completely pain free. He even helped relieve the pain in my elbow and wrist with just a little stretching! I will have several more visits for adjustments, but I'm on the mend and feeling almost normal.
It made me think about where I'm at spiritually and got me asking some questions. I thought I would share them with all of you in blogville...do you need any re-adjusting, spiritually speaking?

1. Am I in any pain, spiritually? Am I angry at God? Do I feel disappointed in any way with God? Is there anything I am having trouble trusting God with? Am I entrenched in any sin?
2. Am I willing to be well? Am I willing to accept that God is right and I am wrong? Am I willing to let God perform "heart surgery," if necessary, in order to restore my relationship with Him? Do I even want to be in right-standing with God? Do I see God as holy?
3. Will I accept the discomfort that comes with God re-adjusting me? My heart? My attitudes? My beliefs? My priorities? My relationships with others? My commitments? My thoughts? My emotions?
4. Will I acknowledge that only God can do this work in my heart of re-adjusting and re-aligning me to glorify Him? Or, will I continue to look to other "cures" for my spiritual condition?
5. Am I committed to God's continual re-adjusting over a course of time? Do I acknowledge that it will take time and effort and patience and perseverance to be made holy and clean? Am I pliable and soft to His leading?
6. Do I give God the glory when He has in fact re-adjusted? Or, do I take the glory myself? Do I recognize God's sovereignty and perfectness?

Thank You, God for stopping me in my tracks, literally, and showing me that my spiritual condition needs some re-adjusting. I give that work over to You and ask You to make me willing, pliable and able to obey. In Jesus' name, Amen.

God Found Me

It's been crazy busy here what with remodeling (going ever-so-slowly), homeschooling (wait, are we still doing that?) and a catering event I'm doing this weekend (yes, I'm crazy!). I'm stealing away to the computer for a few minutes to capture a classic "Olivia moment" before it slips from my memory forever...


Yesterday, Olivia was coming down the stairs--not an entirely unusual activity. We have taught our girls from the beginning to come down the stairs backwards or on their bottoms for safety's sake. She decided she was big enough (at just a few days shy of 2!) to attempt walking down the stairs just like the big girls. I could see her but my voice couldn't come out of my chest fast enough to stop her. After one step she was suddenly pitched forward and flipped onto her head, back to her feet and onto her head again. I screamed (guess I know what I would do in an emergency now!) and her body just paused in the weirdest way. Instead of continuing to tumble wildly down the stairs and to a certain broken bone or two, she was just suspended there on her head for a few seconds. Almost as if she were being held there purposely. Her little body crumpled just as I reached her and scooped her up. She cried and I cried and Emma and Ruthie kept patting us both saying, "It's okay, baby. Mommy, it's okay. God protected her."


After we both calmed down, I asked Olivia, "Are you hurt or scared?" She answered, "Scared!" I rocked her for a bit until she seemed to relax. I then said to her, "Olivia, you cannot walk down the stairs. You will fall and get hurt. You only go down the stairs on your bottom." She said, "I'm okay. God found me."

I was speechless. Did I hear my child correctly? I asked her to repeat herself several more times to make sure I was understanding what she was saying. God found her? Where on earth did she come up with something like that? I even asked her sisters if they had been talking about God with Olivia earlier in the day. They said no. God found me. God found me. God found me. I thought about that all day. Just like Olivia, God found me as I was about to tumble to certain disaster. He found me and rescued me. I was bruised and battered and headed in the wrong direction, but he saved me anyway. He scooped me up and wrapped me in His loving-kindness and held me until I was strong enough to walk again. God found me. God found me. God found me.

And, He can find you, too. Just turn around. He is there, holding you, loving you through whatever you are going through at this moment. His every thought is of you and His great love for you. He cannot help but be in love with you. He is eager to talk to you, to tell you of His love and concern for you, to bind up your brokenness and wounds, to fill your grieving heart with hope, to restore your mind with His truth. Just believe. Just receive...this gift, this precious gift. God has found you. Put your trust in the Lord and His life-saving and changing grace. I'm praying for you...

Lord, Jesus, thank You for my little Olivia's words "God found me." Thank You for reminding me that you did indeed find me and claim me as Your own. Thank You for loving me! O pray for anyone reading this who might be hurting or struggling to find you. Give them strength and help them to know that You have found them--the search is over. Bless them, Lord, and give them peace. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Brush Your Teeth

It's time for bed girls. Brush your teeth.
Okay, Mommy. Where's my toothbrush?
Where we always keep it, in the cabinet.
(Giggles) Oh, yeah.

Where's the toothpaste?
Also, in the cabinet next to the toothbrushes.
How do they make toothpaste?
I'm not sure, honey.
Where do they make toothpaste?
Probably in a factory somewhere.
On the other side of the world?
(checking the label) No, in the United States.
Which "untited" state?
It doesn't say, sweetie, now brush your teeth.
Okay.

Can we have waffles for breakfast?
We'll see...
Can we have chocolate chip waffles?
We don't have chocolate chip waffles.
How about M&M?
We don't have those either.
Marshmallow?
Nope.
Rainbow?
Uh-uh.
Sprinkles with whip cream?
No.
Darn!
Excuse me?
Sorry, mama. Sorry, Jesus.
That's better. Now, please brush your teeth.
Okay.

Where do babies come from?
They come from God.
Why?
Because they are a gift.
How come they don't come in a box?
That isn't God's way of bringing babies in the world.
They come in mommies' tummies, right?
Sort of.
Annee says they come in a room.
That's "womb," honey.
That's what I said!
Sorry.
Anyway, she says they come in a room and at church we heard that it hurts to have a baby because of Satan and the apple and sin.
That's right.
Gifts shouldn't hurt people.
Let's talk about this later. Now, brush your teeth!
Okay.

How do they make carpet?
I'm not sure, sweetheart.
I bet they make it the factory right next to the toothpaste.
Maybe. Now, brush your teeth.
Okay.

Are dinosaurs real?
We don't have dinosaurs today, but who knows what was alive before the Great Flood.
Yeah, I bet there were beautiful purple, glittery, sparkling dinosaurs with rainbow wings and pink hair.
Well, we'll have to ask God about that in heaven.
I have a lot of questions for God when we get to heaven.
(Sighing) I'm certain you do. Now, I have a question for you.
What is it, mama?
Are you ever going to brush your teeth, Emma Rose?
Yeah, I was just waiting for you to stop talking, silly!

Slowing Down

We've been working on the house pretty hard for the last month or so. As I looked around this morning, things look different than they did last month...not good different, more like messy different. We've moved furniture around, cleaned out a few closets, stripped lots of wall paper, and completely dismantled the master bedroom and bath. We're making progress, but it is painfully slow. After Sunday evening's events, we have been forced to a snail's pace...

Charlie worked pretty hard on the master bathroom all weekend, removing the rest of the wall paper, ripping up carpeting, removing the vanity from the wall, tearing out the old trim, disconnecting the toilet. We purchased a new toilet and the flooring on Sunday and took the kids out to eat as a reward for the hard work over the weekend. After we tucked the kids into bed that night, I sat down to catch up on my e-mail and read a few blogs. I was about to call Charlie in to read something when I heard him say, "Ow! That hurt." I asked him if he was okay. Silence. I waited a few minutes then decided to check on him. I found him standing in the dining room pressing the thumb and first finger of his left hand together. He looked pale. I asked him what happened and he explained that he had just cut his hand with a brand new Xacto knife. I didn't see any blood at first so I asked him if it was bad. He went into the kitchen and sat down and said he needed a few minutes to calm down. When he finally showed me the wound, it was obvious he was going to need a few stitches. I gave him a clean cloth to help apply pressure and then called our friends to ask for help with the girls. I changed out of my PJ's and we took off for the ER.

We sat in the ER waiting room for over an hour and then again in one of the ER rooms for another 2 hours waiting for the doctor to sew up Charlie's hand. At one point, Charlie asked, "Why did this have to happen tonight?" I was wondering the same thing, but hadn't voiced the question. We ended up talking about the girls and about some issues we've been facing with them. Charlie shared that he thought this might be the Lord's way of slowing him down for a bit so he could spend more time with them. We talked about how many times we've been out to eat in the last few weeks and how many "extra" things we've been adding to our regular routine. We talked about the fact that we don't have any regular routine on the weekends. We listened to some of the patients around us and I found myself silently praying for them as they cried out or walked by, noticing some of them had no one to sit with them or talk to them. We listened to the tremendous thunderstorm happening outside and wondered if it was keeping Ruthie awake, as she is petrified of thunder. It was unplanned, found time together without the children. I hated the reason for the time, but loved the person with whom I was spending it. The doctor eventually came and patched my hubby back up and we were able to head home just in time to catch a few hours sleep before the next day began.

This afternoon, I was thinking about our upcoming weekend and how we have gone to great lengths to plan a kid-free weekend so we can work on the house. My mom offered to take all three girls on for the weekend (Mom, you are so brave!) and we have this opportunity to work, unhindered, on our remodeling projects. But, God has His own plans. We still have a kid-free weekend ahead of us, but we probably won't be doing much remodeling. Instead, we're slowing down. We have almost three whole days of time alone together...how blissful! And, how needed. I don't think I knew that we needed this time until Charlie was hurt. I found myself thanking God that he wasn't hurt more seriously and knowing that I should treasure our time together, no matter what the circumstance. I also felt convicted about how much I take him for granted, assuming that he will be here each day when the Lord doesn't give those guarantees...He does guarantee to be faithful, though, so I am grateful for this found time and this opportunity to slow down. The Lord is good.

Father, Thank You for keeping Charlie safe Sunday night and for bringing healing to his hand. Continue to work in his body, restoring him fully. Lord, I thank You for my husband and for the unique person You have made him to be. Help me to be a better help-mate for him. Help me to help him accomplish all that You have for him to do. Help me to honor him and allow him to be the priest over our home. Give him wisdom and confidence to walk out Your plan for his life and for the life of our family. Bless him, Lord, with all that he needs to follow earnestly after You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

My Man, The Bat Warrior

Charlie has been working feverishly on the house all weekend. Partly because he wants to get the work done, and partly to please me. (Thank you, hubby!) While the girls were napping this afternoon, he set to work repairing the walls in the master bathroom. I could tell he wanted to work alone for awhile, so I decided to tackle cleaning out the laundry room. The floor was overcome with dog fur and the catch-all closet wasn't in any shape to catch much of anything besides said fur and the occasional lost shoe. I was pulling things out of the closet and sorting them and had just laid my hand on Emma's backpack. As I pulled it aside a piercing noise came from either inside her bag or just behind it. I pulled my hand back quickly. The sound was familiar but I couldn't quite place it. I nudged the backpack again--shriek! Okay, the noise was a life noise. A mouse? A bird? One more nudge--SHRIEK! I slammed the door shut and ran out of the room. It was all coming back to me in a flood: this was the sound of a bat.

It seems like our marriage has a lot of bat stories to it. When we were dating, I was living in and running a bed and breakfast. One day, while cleaning one of the bathrooms, I pulled the shower curtain aside to discover a giant bat hanging from the inside liner. I shrieked (of course) and ran out of the room. I called Charlie and asked him to come over. He did and then promptly watched from the safe distance of across the rather lengthy hall as I used a broom to swat the bat down and into a cardboard box. I then threw the box out onto the front lawn and ran inside, shivering and scolding my soon-to-be husband for not wrangling the nocturnal creature out of the house for me. He said it was funny to watch me throw the box into the air and run into the house. I didn't laugh.

Charlie's dislike of bats comes honestly. Growing up, he was a member of the quintessential young, American boy group--the Boy Scouts. One summer, on a camping trip, they went spelunking. On the list of supplies: three sources of light. Charlie packed one flashlight and several packages of batteries, thinking himself to be very clever. While trekking through a cave, they were told the cave was home to bats. Halfway through the hike, Charlie's flashlight dimmed and then went out altogether. After changing batteries, he realized the light bulb had gone out! Not long after, the bats began swooping and diving, trying to figure out what this strange creature was stumbling in the dark. And so, my husband's intense dislike of the winged creatures was birthed.

Not long after we purchased our home, we had another run in with a bat. This time, Charlie rallied to the occasion and chased it out of the house with nothing less than a broom. Another time, he cornered a bat in the living room and with the help of our friend Josh, managed to swat it to the ground with a cookie sheet. They scooped it up and flung it to the street. Very macho. Once, I got up in the night to go downstairs for a drink and noticed a familiar fluttering shadow. I raced back to bed, dove under the covers and begged Charlie to find the bat before it found it's way into the girls' room. We spent about an hour searching the house before he knocked it out with his trusty tennis racket.

Today, Charlie used yet another broom in his dance with the bat. He eventually chased the bat into one of the girls' umbrellas and I ran to another room as I saw his arm raise over the umbrella, hammer in hand. I'll spare you the details, but, suffice it to say, Charlie was a bit more violent in his disposal of this particular creepy flyer. It may have been gruesome and we may have had to sacrifice an umbrella, but I have respect for my husband's willingness to protect hearth and home from the invasion of these nocturnal beasts. And that, friends, is why I will call him: The Bat Warrior.

Thank You, God, for my awesome husband! Bless him now and always, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Homeschooling...

Yes, we are homeschooling. I wish I could muster up some excitement about this new adventure we're on, but I'm not in that place, yet. I have faith God will get me there because He has called our family to do this, but it will be a process...

We attended a "home school meeting" a few nights ago and I walked away feeling uncomfortable. I couldn't put my finger on the problem I was having. The people in attendance were normal, every day people, but something was bugging me. Charlie suggested we go for a walk so I could vent and clear my head. I confessed to him that I was having trouble fully committing to homeschooling. It wasn't that I didn't see God's calling or understand how wonderful the opportunity could be. The real issue was that an impression had been made on my heart and mind about the kind of people who home school. (Now, hang in here with me! Please don't be offended if you are a home schooler or were home schooled. I'm just telling you what my impression has been...not what God's Truth is...we'll get to that later.) We have had some limited access and exposure to home school families and, although they always share their love of the Lord and commitment to His Word, I'm always left feeling weird. I couldn't put my finger on it until the other day. "Rebellion" was the word the Lord gave to me. Here's what I mean...

When the Lord began to show us that He wants us to home school our daughters, He began by showing us in the Word all that we are responsible for as parents.
"Train a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Prov. 22:6
He then began to burden our hearts for our girls in a very new way. We began seeing so much ministerial potential in our daughters...potential spiritual gifts and opportunities to minister to others. We both were very excited about the chance to give our girls an environment in which they could openly and vigorously explore God's calling and gifting in their lives. I was (and still am, truth be told) nervous about the practical application of actually teaching the girls, but it ultimately came down to the choice of obedience. Would we trust where God was leading and believe this was the very best plan for all of us, or would we turn away and choose a more comfortable but disobedient path? We chose to obey. The Lord never led us to think of public schools as evil or bad. He never allowed us to put our girls on an intellectual pedestal and exalt their intelligence. If anything, He made us so aware of our dependence on Him and His grace. We would need that grace to accomplish His will.
"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

The Lord has allowed us to see so much open rebellion in other Christian homeschooling families. What I mean by that is a subtle undertone of superiority...an "us" vs. "them," if you will. So many times, when we hear other families talk about their decision to home school, their answers are openly hostile and demeaning of others. There is a sinful pride in their attitude. Of course, you must believe that the choice to home school is the very best choice for you and your children. But, it is not the very best choice for every family. In fact, many Christian families are called to attend public school to be salt and light to lost and dying families. Some homeschooling families also seem to worship their children's intelligence. They give their child's intellect the highest place of honor and respect, ultimately teaching their child that a gift given by God has become the object of adoration instead of the Gift-Giver. This is all rebellion. Subtle, but still rebellion.
"Against whom do you jest? Against whom do you open wide your mouth and stick out your tongue? Are you not children of rebellion, offspring of deceit?" Isaiah 57:4

It's hard for me to write about this because I know it may offend others, even others I care for deeply. But, for me, the root issue is God's character. He is love, so He is patient, kind, joyful, peaceful, good, faithful, gentle, and full of control. Anything He calls us to do, He wants done in a manner that reflects His character. If we are truly His disciples, then we walk after Him and His Word and His ways. We don't demean or devalue others simply because they are led to make other choices. We don't worship anything or anyone else, especially our own children. (Encourage and cheer-lead them, yes... worship them, no.) We aren't prideful of our position, privileges, responsibilities, or opportunities.

1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
9For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
10but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
11When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
13But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians Chapter 13 (emphasis mine)

I know there are families out there who are homeschooling the right way and with the right hearts, but there are families who are not and they are placing themselves in opposition with other parts of the Body of Christ. Jesus says that the world will know us by our love for one another...by the way we are patient and kind, joyful and peaceful, faithful and gentle, full of goodness and self-control.

I guess I'm posting this as a reminder to myself and my husband to keep our pride in check, to resist any rebellious thoughts or attitudes we might have. I want to remember what God is showing us now, as we begin this adventure with Him and with our children. I want to be accountable to Him and others for my choice to obey.

Thank You, Lord, for Your love which always brings me back to You. Thank You for Your character. Help me to teach my children Your ways, Your Word, YOU! I know it is only by Your grace that I will be able to accomplish Your will. Grant me Your grace unending...In Jesus' Name, Amen.