Where I'm From

I am from cars with bucket seats; from Big Wheels and Aqua Net; jelly shoes and leg warmers.
I am from government apartments.
I am from bird nests on the window sill and raccoons in the chimney.
I am from biting your tongue while stewing inside and curly hair;

from Russell and Rosellen and Luke and Ruby.
I am from the overly sensitive and “the glass is half empty.”
From “do it right the first time,” “try, try again” and

“everything has a place and everything in it’s place.”
I am from “we don’t believe in Bible thumping”, the frozen chosen and

“God helps those who help themselves.”
I’m from Springfield, Heugonots, and Terre Haute; Hamburger Helper and powdered milk.
From the dad who was never there, the mom who always was and the basketball star brother.
I am from divorce and never feeling like we had enough;

I am from a mom who gave everything she could.
I am from vacations on lakes and in deserts;

bumping around the country in beat-up cars and old RVs;

from a family, who despite all my many faults, still loves me, loves me, loves…and I them.

Thanks to JAN at Midsummer Meanderings for posting her own "Where I'm From" as well as the link to the site where you can download the form to make your own poem. I, too, would love to read anyone else's!

I Am The Dog

This afternoon was my first foray into outdoor running. Yes, it’s December. Yes, it gets dark at 5:00 PM here. And, yes, it’s hovering around 35 degrees. But, I was cooped up all day and thought I would give it a try. Actually, I was planning to just take a brisk walk to give my legs a bit of a rest. As we rounded the corner at the end of the block, though, clear, even sidewalks beckoned me to give them a good lashing with my feet. My lungs were practically begging me to force the cold, crisp air deeper into them. So, off we went. We? Oh, yeah. Me and the dog.

We have a mutt for a dog, Elvis. His talents include barking, eating, pooping, and scaring anyone and everyone who dares to cast a sideways glance in his general direction. He’s actually pretty tame with our family, but the yard is his turf and he protects it with vengeance. When I decided to go for what I thought would be a walk, I knew it would be hard to just jet past him. He knows what it means when he sees us take off down the alley—we’re going somewhere and he’s not. I took pity on him and grabbed his leash as I cranked up my music. Upon site of the beloved leash, he broke out into his doggy smile. He started prancing around the yard, running back and forth between me and the gate. I was going somewhere and he was going with me.

Elvis is a strong, muscular dog. He weighs close to 55 pounds, so he can be a handful. He knows the leash means he gets to go somewhere, but getting him to mind the leash…well, that’s a life long battle for him. It’s a love-hate relationship: he loves to walk; hates to be told where to walk. As soon as I started running, I knew bringing Elvis might cause some problems. He was all over the place; sniffing this bush, licking that snow drift, running back and for across the sidewalk in front of me. He “did his business” several times along the way, forcing me to break my rhythm each time and wait for him. At one point, I jerked on his leash and got down in his face and said, “Listen, dog! We need to come to an understanding. You are running with me. I am not chasing after you. Pick a side and stick to it!” He just gave me that doggy grin again and licked my face.

I ran to a nearby cemetery, thinking it might be easier to run the paths that wind through there. At least we wouldn’t be contending with other people, or “walking, talking snacks,” as Elvis thinks of them. Every headstone needed a good sniff and some were “baptized,” I’m sorry to say! As we turned to head for home, I found myself getting more and more frustrated. How was I supposed to pay attention to what I was doing while wrangling this beast all over the place? As we approached the street that leads to home, Elvis started to slow down. Apparently, he was getting over the newness of being outside his regular domain and was settling down next to me. “Great.” I thought, “Just as I’m ready to quit, he decides to behave.” That’s the exact moment I heard this in my head:

You are the dog.

What? I am the dog? What does that mean? I started thinking about the past half hour and how my dog had been behaving. If it hadn’t been for some strong discipline, we would have surely ended up in the freezing creek or down a muddy embankment or crashing through the woods after some poor little rabbit. I am the dog?

Oh. I AM the dog.

I’m all over the place, spiritually speaking. If it weren’t for the leash of His Word and the Holy Spirit, as well as other believers placed strategically in my life, I too would be crashing through the woods, chasing after anything that looked enticing. I would be constantly wandering too close to the edge, slipping off into certain spiritual danger.

I’d like to think that I’m a bit more disciplined than my dog. I mean, sure, I still need a leash. I’m still tempted to go places I shouldn’t in my mind; to chase after goals that aren’t His; to wander around with people who won’t lead me any closer to Him. Hopefully, though, it only takes a gentle check of the leash to rein me back to the path. Hopefully, I’m growing to a place where He can trust me to just walk beside Him; always glancing to see where He is leading, striving to please Him. I’m not there, yet, but I hope that’s where I’m headed.

One more thing about my dog…and me, I think. When we got within sight of the house, his ears perked up and he gave me a longing look. I knew what he wanted. “Let’s go, boy,” I said and we raced up the street to the house. We both wanted the same thing: home. He wanted a drink. I wanted to wipe the sweat off my forehead and warm up my legs, but there was no need for me to tell him where we were going. He knew. The same is true for me. When my day comes, when heaven is within site, Jesus and I will be running together, racing towards the goal—eternity together.

Until then, though…I am the dog.

Running With Endurance

Last week, I ran three days in a row. I know, I know, I learned the hard way that this is not the most effective (or wise) way to begin a running pattern. Thankfully (I think), I came down with a cold Thursday evening that kept me in bed for a few days, so I was off the treadmill for four days. When I got back on last night, I wondered if I would have the will power to actually run or if I would just do a brisk walk and call it quits. I have this history with running, you know. As I let my legs warm up and turned on my mP3 player, I actually started feeling excited about my run. I was so curious to see how my body would respond. It was fun! When I first started running, I was averaging--now bear in mind that I'm in my 30's and am completely out of shape. No smirks, please--a 15 minute mile and I could barely run that one mile. Last night, I ran 1.6 miles! And, my first mile took 14 minutes and my last .6 mi. only took 6 minutes! As a bonus, I cranked up the treadmill the last 2 minutes just to see if I could run faster, and I could! I actually enjoyed my run tremendously. My legs were still like jelly and I was sweating like, well, like someone who just ran a mile and a half, but I enjoyed the run. It got me thinking...

We're in this spiritual race. Hebrews says,
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1
While I was nursing my cold, my body was actually building and repairing its tissues and muscles, making me stronger. What appeared to be a time of physical inactivity was in reality a time of great improvement. When I returned to the dreaded treadmill, my body was capable of running faster, further and with more endurance. More endurance...hmmm.

Are you feeling, today, right now, in this moment, like you are not even in the race? Not because you choose not to be (that's another issue all together), but because the Lord has side-lined you? Do you feel like He has asked you to sit next to the foot path and wait? That can be so frustrating. Especially as you watch other runners sprinting ahead, getting so far ahead they seem to disappear.

Take heart! Jesus knows you and has prepared this race for you, so you can reach the goal, the finish line. It takes endurance, though. Running at full speed day in and day out may seem like the best way to accomplish the goal, but this often leads to spiritual burn-out. Instead, scheduled down time, to build and repair your spiritual muscles, will help increase your endurance. God is so loving and wise. He only lets us see a little bit of the path. If He showed us the deep, lonely valleys or the long stretches of desert or the rocky mountain paths, we would lose heart. He stops us along the way to give us rest, to let our spiritual muscles build, to increase our endurance so we will reach the goal. So we can travel the road ahead. He knows the way. He knows you. He knows what is best. Trust in that.

Thank You, Lord, for giving me strength to run physically and spiritually. Help me to appreciate the times you cause rest for me. Help me to truly rest, instead of railing against Your will. Help me to trust You more. In Jesus' name, Amen.

A "New Haircut"

Being a girl, I've had many haircuts in my life. Aren't we all looking for the "perfect" do? Anyway, I've given my blog a new "haircut", of sorts. Hope you all enjoy the new look! Your comments are always appreciated and so encouraging so keep them up. I've also provided my e-mail for those of you who have prayer requests or just want to say "hi!" Be blessed and a blessing today!

Happy Birthday, Emma!

Dear, sweet Emma,
Today is your sixth birthday...it's really been six whole years since God brought you into this world and my arms. He used you to make me a mother and it has been six years of absolute joy and privilege. Yesterday, you said, "Well, it's my last day being five. I better really enjoy it!" How true, sweetheart! That's exactly how I think of you--someone who is really just enjoying God's good pleasures. You always have great ideas of ways we can all enjoy Him. Right now, you have a real tenderness towards others who are less fortunate than you, especially children in other countries. Every spare penny you find goes into one of your "mission jars" for another country. I love that about you! I love that you are teaching me things about mission work!
I know you love your sisters but that they irritate you at times. I appreciate the way you love them anyway and always try to be fair with them. I especially love the way you try to protect them and are always teaching them about Jesus. Ruthie recently told me that she hoped she grows up to be your best friend. That says so much about the love you two share as sisters!
This has been our first year homeschooling and we've had ups and downs. I hope you will look back when you are older and only remember the "ups!" You are learning to read and are really great at math!. We've been working on your 100 Gifts List for Christmas and I'm really proud of the things you know are gifts from God. Really, I'm just so proud of you!
Emma, this was an awesome day with you today! Every day of your life has been a blessing to me and Daddy. We are so excited to see God's plan for your life unfold and for you to step out in it. God bless you today and each day of the coming year! I love you, sweetheart!
Love,
Mommy

Run The Race...

I'm not a runner. You know that old Biology theory that all creatures have a fight or flight instinct? I'm a fighter, not because I enjoy the fight, but because it requires less movement! Of all the P.E. activities in school and sports I participated in as a youth, whenever running was involved, my legs became heavy and I would groan in my spirit. I'm not a runner.

My 35th birthday is in a few weeks and I've started noticing more grey hairs, more mood swings, tighter pants, less energy...generally less overall healthfulness. It wasn't always like this. I used to enjoy working out and being fit, eating well and feeling better. Somewhere between gaining 55 lbs while pregnant with my first baby and chasing after 3 little ones 5 years later, I realized I had stopped taking care of myself, physically speaking. I retained an average of 6 pounds after each pregnancy times 3 kids...well, you can do the math! The weight isn't the biggest thing that bothers me; it's the lack of energy. Some days, I'm tired by 3:00 PM and I've got a good 8 hours of the day left!

With a history of high blood pressure and weight gain in my family, I decided this birthday was just the impetus I needed to kick things back into high gear. We own a treadmill so that has been the easiest place to start. I don't have a lot of time to spend on it, so running (shudder!) is the efficient use of my time. I think I can hear my high school gym teacher snickering around the corner...

As I was huffing and puffing through my 15 minute run today, I was thinking about how good it actually felt to get sweaty and feel my heart pounding. My legs were aching and my hips were begging to know why they were being treated so harshly, but overall, it felt pretty good. I know this new-found interest in being fit was born of the Lord, so I started asking Him about it. He began to show me so many spiritual analogies to the running I've been doing in. I don't have my thoughts collected yet, so I'll write about those when they are clearer...

When I jumped--no, crawled--off the treadmill, legs like jelly, dripping with sweat, Emma said,
"Mom, why are you running all the time?"
"Well, honey, I just want to be in better shape."
"What shape do you want to be?"
"No, not that kind of shape. I mean I want to be healthier and take care of the body God gave to me. He wants me to do the best I can with it and use it for Him."
"Oh." thinking.... "Does God want you to run a race with your body?"
"Well, in a way. He wants me to keep my muscles and heart and lungs strong and healthy so I can accomplish all that He wants me to. The Bible says we are supposed to "run the good race" which means we are supposed to stay strong in the Lord. Part of running God's good race and being strong in Jesus is taking care of my body and exercising."
"Mom, it's a good thing you started running 'cause I don't think you were in the race before!"

Oh, brother!

Thank You, Lord, for my body. Forgive me for taking it for granted and not taking care of the gift that it is to me. Thank You for each new breath. Thank You also, for Emma's words. If there are ways that I haven't been in the race and been strong for You, strengthen me and GET ME IN THE RACE! I'd rather be hurt running alongside You than comfortable in the grandstands. I choose You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Top Ten Tuesdays--Reasons We Are Homeschooling (well, trying, anyway!)

Thanks, again, to Ann of More Questions Than Answers for hosting Top Ten Tuesdays!
10. We can go to school in our jammies if we want.
9. I get to spend all day with my girls, watching God's world unfold in front of them.
8. I have hundreds of daily opportunities to weave the Word of God into my girls' lives.
7. No long bus rides, brown bag lunches, heavy back packs, or school yard bullies!
6. Each of my children can learn at their own pace. We can slow down or speed up whenever we want and explore topics of interest exhaustively.
5. My girls are learning moral values based on Biblical truth, not cultural norms.
4. We have lots of opportunities to serve others as a family through our school--babysitting, cooking, visiting the elderly, etc.
3. "Extras" like music, art, drama are always in the budget!
2. My kids can be kids much longer--not "mini-adults."
1. Homeschooling is an issue of obedience, and choosing to do so makes us obedient unto the Lord.

Lord, Thanks for this list. Most days, I really don't want to obey. I whine like a little child being forced to do something that is ultimately for my own good and the good of others. Give me the desire to be obedient. Help me to remember that this is YOUR plan and Your ways are not my ways, Your thoughts are high above my thoughts. Give me a peace that surpasses any feeble understanding I might have. Thank You for having a plan for me, a plan that will ultimately lead me and my family closer to You. In Jesus' name, Amen.