Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Down Swing

I've really hesitated to write much about our time with Samuel in the NICU after his birth. Part of the hesitation is naturally due to the lack of free time I have for all things blogging. I'm happy I've been able to post a few pictures and what not! I've also been so ecstatic just to have my family back together again. What a joy to have all my little chicks safely under wing. I seriously thought about hunkering down in the house for a good month--no phone, no Internet, no visitors...

But, perhaps my greatest cause for hesitation as I have mulled over how to share all that God has done in my heart and in our family through Samuel's birth and recovery has been my fear of re-visiting all the emotions of that month. And it was very emotional. When I took Samuel in for his check-up this past week, I felt a knot in my stomach as we passed the hospital. All the familiar landmarks caused a rush of memories to flood my mind. Images of my sweet boy hooked up to monitors and poked with tubes and wires and bandages and hoses; the smell of antiseptic foam; the distinct beeping noises of the monitors around his warmer. I didn't dwell on those thoughts, but they reminded me of how serious that time was and how difficult it was to walk through that valley.

While I am still rejoicing in the good health of our son and the reunion of our wonderful family, the last couple weeks I've found myself beginning to feel the "down swing" of life with a newborn. The sleepless nights; the horrible messiness of our house; the disconnected mealtimes; the difficulties of managing 4 separate individuals with individual needs. It's all wonderful, of course, but not at all easy. Samuel has colic that keeps him (and me!) awake through the night and the girls are all requiring more and more attention as we progress through our school year. Really, we are just experiencing (again!) the reality of adding another family member to the mix and navigating our way through those first months of finding the "new normal." And, I find myself really turning to the Lord for strength and renewal each day. He is so faithful!

I receive the newsletter for my parents' church and the pastor had written a brief exposition on the first page. It was an anecdotal piece about falling and I found the last paragraph to be so encouraging:

Our lives at all times are more at the mercy of the forces that act on us from the outside than we may be willing to admit. We are vulnerable as human beings--some of us more than others. At all moments our lives are also are in the hands of a Sovereign God who loves us dearly. We may find ourselves, at moments, feeling a bit helpless and have a realization that what is about to happen is going to hurt--and still be unable to change it. Out faith is Jesus Christ though gives you and me the assurance that God is with us before we fall, while we fall and after we fall to help us pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward. My prayer is that we can all feel secure and firmly grounded in the knowledge that we are SO loved by Jesus Christ.
Dwight McCormick II



jan said...

Yep, living in complete trust and rest regardless of our circumstances is a challenge daily. Faith is always a choice-as I've read your blog over the past year I've been blessed over and over again by your choice to have faith, no matter what you've gone through....